Progress
Midlife Crisis Takes TIME
Positive Signs
I've been desperately seeking a positive sign...but no luck so far.
The real confusion and fear with this is that so many other LBS's seem to have positive signs early--why not you? Or maybe you saw positives signs, then negative, then positive, then negative... MLCer's cycle--another refrain. Maybe what was interpreted as a positive sign was merely cycling and a misinterpretation...or maybe the positives in cycling really are positive signs revealing the Hope. If you look for positives and find them, you are likely to crash harder at the next phase of the cycle. Many MLCers are steadfastly determined. For positive signs look toward your marriage and what it was--thus seeing what it can be again, though better. Even better, for positive signs, looks toward yourself, who you are and who you can become; find your joy within. When the positives are from your MLCer's actions, remember to drop your expectations.
While you are seeking positives, what are you doing to create them? And where are your expectations? What is positive to you? Must a positive sign be a desire to return? That comes later. There are small steps along that path--and they are often indiscernible. Be forgiving, be loving, apologize for your transgressions. Be gracious. But through these things do not expect to SEE the progress; it is internal. And while doing these things, what are you doing personally--internally--to create positives?
Seeking positives externally indicates you are not focusing on yourself. Instead of asking God to tell you, start listening for what God is telling you. You are beautiful. You are complete.
Refrain: MLC takes TIME
Unreal Change
She suddenly loves me now, wants to work it out, want to see a therapist of some kind. She has now found God again, more manipulation. What is this a jailhouse conversion? I want to cut my losses and get on with my life.
She had so many opportunities over the years to be a good wife, to listen to me, but no she had to control everything, and micromanage our lives. I will admit that she has made some major changes but I doubt the sincerity of them as she could have made these changes years ago when I asked her to. I think it is more manipulation.
-An MLCer
He has valid points...would you believe these changes in another?
So what can or should you do about it?
Nothing. If you change your changes, you have proven the accusation that they were not real and only for the purpose of changing your MLCer's mind. Remain consistent. Through your changes, you are building a foundation for LATER.
Refrain: MLC takes TIME
Do you feel like a deer about two seconds after seeing the headlights?
You know you’ve gotta stop crying, panicking or asking your spouse ANYTHING. And you know you should let-go and give space so that you can learn to respond and communicate with your spouse from a place of calm rather than emotional hurt.
Introducing
Understanding Midlife Crisis
The foundational course to give you answers and clarity into "What the he!! Is going on with my spouse!"